Editing

Editing Style: New Pulp
Request: copy and line editing
Key: Red strikeout suggest removal, red in parenthesis are editor’s comments, blue suggests addition.
Directions for red and blue determined by Pro Se Publishing

Being married to Mr. Bernard hadn’t turned out to be such a bad thing after all, Charley decided, as she settled down at the dining room table that she had bought two weeks ago.

Carved of teak wood with scrollwork and matching high backed chairs Teak wood and carved with scrollwork, with matching high-backed chairs, it was simpler and cozier than the monstrosity of ivory and ebony that Mr. Bernard insisted his guests sit at whenever he hosted. It reminded Charley of a jawbone with black teeth, ready to eat whoever sat at it rather than welcoming them to eat one of Ms. Lansbury’s feasts. (I usually warn against introducing so many characters so close to the beginning. Unless Ms. Lansbury is Charley, in which case that isn’t clear)

Marriage took some getting used to, she reflected, as the September morning light danced through the gilt crystal chandelier. Mr. Bernard insisted on marrying without time to acquire a trousseau or even alert Father Halloran. Charley put her foot down and the priest agreed - after talking to Mr. Bernard for several hours - to a quiet ceremony in the empty church vestibule. A month or so later, the repairs to the holey church roof had been finished, and an entire pew had been purchased for Charley and Ma’s use.

Not that Mr. Bernard ever cared to join them. He joked that atheists only ever stepped into the church twice: once to be baptized and the second to be married to their insistent wives.

Charley drummed her fingers against the wood, polished as a coffin, and felt the ring. The cold gold band, wide as a pinkie nail, threatened to constrict her finger. The large baroque dingy gray pearl, which Mr. Bernard claimed was claimed from the cold seas by the legendary pearl divers of Japan, was encircled by the smallest diamonds Charley had ever seen. It was elaborate but in a certain light, it looked like a shiny serpent strangling a nest of bird’s eggs.

Despite the lack of time for the trousseau and everything else, he had enough time to get the biggest and most expensive ring that the store had to offer. Although Charley was convinced that it had the highest price tag.(This sentence is a bit confusing to me because we have just been told that it is the biggest and most expensive ring. Why this reiteration? Did you mean “At least Charley was convinced” or “Although Charley wasn’t convinced”?)

Then again, most of everything Mr. Bernard did was to show off his wealth, Charley thought as she snuck a brief look at the a newspaper article about a missing girl. He insisted on the most expensive champagnes to grace his table, the finest cigars from Havana to be smoked, the most exquisite meats, cheeses and breads to melt in the mouths of his dinner guests. All his clothing was tailored, and Charley lost count at twenty pairs of shoes.

Now she should be fair to him, Charley thought, as she ran her fingers through her now-fashionable hair, a bob of red gold (This could mean a lot of different hair colors like titian, copper, amber. I would pick one!) curls.

Editing Style: MLA
Request: line editing
Key: Corrections in blue
Directions for blue determined by client

Woman: The Crown Jewel in God’s Creation.

 Women are the Crown jewels in God's creation on planet earth. This perspective comes from the Bible found in {Genesis chapter 2:18-22} God places Adam into a deep sleep and creates Eve from his rib. This is significant because this is the last act in God's creation, according      to the bible, and some may even say God has “saved His best for last this final creative act   of forming the woman.

lowercase “crown”
Capitalize “Earth”
A period after “Genesis chapter 2:18-22.
Capitalize Bible
End quotes after “saved His best for last”
“saved His best for last” IN this final creative act of forming the woman

Editing Style: MLA
Request: copy and line editing
Key:  in red is the segment being referenced and in parentheses are the editor’s comments
Directions determined by client

I am not suggesting that your answer should be, “no, I would never”. It is imperative that we cultivate societal awareness for the realities of people around us, and of the systems we participate in. Banning dialogue about any particular subject has rarely produced successful long-term results – nearly all of us have a story to tell about the negative impact of not being exposed to concepts of racism, sexism, classism, and just about any other ism. (HERE I WOULD JUST SAY TO CONCEPTS LIKE RACE, SEX, CLASS. MOST PEOPLE ARE GLAD TO NOT BE EXPOSED TO ISMS) There is a strange tightrope we all walk between saying too much and saying too little about a subject that is shaking with emotional charge. I am suggesting though, that ask we ask questions of others, we need to examine what it is to be prepared for an honest answer, even one that goes unspoken. (I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BY THIS)

NIMH’s statistics capture data for people who are diagnosed with some sort of mental illness. Mental health challenges go beyond diagnosed illnesses, since someone suffering through the physical illness of a loved one or the immense uncertainty about what will happen after a breakup are arguably challenges involving someone’s mental health. (I WOULD MAYBE JUST SAY “SITUATIONAL” OR SOMETHING INSTEAD OF SUCH SPECIFIC EXAMPLES) Even positive changes come with upheaval - the wildly stressful schedule of a good thing like a promotion, or the chaos of a big move to desired location can send someone into a prolonged, emotionally heightened state.

Editing Style: Standardized screenplay format
Request: copy and line editing
Key: Corrections are pointed out after the original content
Directions determined by client

Page 1. The owner of the dealership, TED, waves at the owner of the car dealership across the street, CRUZ (both 50s and like the politician, both total assholes).
CORRECTION: (both in their 50s and, like the politician, both total assholes).

page 2. People gape at all the Tube Dudes, as if it's an eighth Wonder of the World.
CORRECTION: People gape at all the Tube Dudes as if it’s the eighth Wonder of the World.

Page 2. Meanwhile, their kids stuck in the cars marvel at the sea of flailing Tube Dudes, bobbing up and down with their silly grin.
CORRECTION: Meanwhile, their kids, stuck in the cars, marvel

Page 3. after much deliberation, I've decided to enact an ordnance
CORRECTION: ordinance

Page 3. shooting guns in the ceiling.
CORRECTION: EITHER “shooting bullets in the ceiling” or “shooting at the ceiling”

Page 5. The engine WHINES EVEN LOUDER, it's sounds so bad, Susan actually puts the helmet on.
CORRECTION: The engine WHINES EVEN LOUDER. It sounds so bad

Page 6. The plane HOOVERS LOW over the fanciest golf course in LA
CORRECTION: HOVERS LOW

Page 11. His arm still in a sling from the accident.
CORRECTION: His arm is still in a sling

Page 14: It's okay, I will doc your pay for the cost.
CORRECTION: I will dock your pay

Page 16: We hold on both of them trying relax with these goofy frozen eye-masks as chemo is pumped through their veins.

CORRECTION: both of them trying to relax

Page 17. Don't don't go trying to fix other fields.

CORRECTION: Don’t go trying to fix other fields

Page 17. Invent something for planes, stay out of the operating rooms.

CORRECTION: Invent something for planes. Stay out of the operating rooms OR Invent something for planes; stay out of the operating rooms